Sometimes I post thoughts on Facebook that I hope are informative, useful, or interesting.
Sometimes, I just want to be silly.
I’ve been experiencing some tension for the last few weeks, both from work and from what’s going on in the world. So, in order to blow off some steam, I’m going to try posting some weird insults.
1) “You are an Udon Quixote, a knight of noodle-like composition, a bowl of rich broth in a tin cup of armor.”
2) “Get away, you Orange Julius Caesar, you monarch of tacky mall fashions and overpriced sugar water!”
3) “Man, you are such a (Les Miserables, by the French novelist Victor Hugo) creep!”
4) “Did I ever tell you that you are a golden salamander of dignity? Truly, your amphibian nature of spellbinding obsession knows no bounds.”
5) “You are as foul as you are undercooked. And you are as stupid as you are fungible.”
6) “I can’t even with you. I can’t odd with you. I can’t irrational numbers with you. And I certainly can’t Fibonacci sequence with you.”
7) “Is this really the best you could do? You definitely are an amateur-de-force.”
8) “Did you just eat Indian food? Because you’re spouting naan-sense right now”. (No offense, folks from India. Naan is delicious and we should all eat some, except for gluten free folks).
9) “How can I put this…The Hunchback of Notre Damn, you really are an idiot.” (What’s with all the Victor Hugo references?)
10) “My word, you are a pain in the Aslan, True King of Narnia.”
11) “You felonious donkey of privilege! You abstract daddy of bad techno music! You harmonious puncture wound of serenity! You ingenious Aquarius of insistent rage! Blast you and your bewitched barnacles of Barry Goldwater! Bless your heart.”