Puns!

Watching old episodes of Whose Line is it Anyway has got me thinking about puns:
For Weird Newscasters:
“Welcome to the 6 o’clock news. I’m your anchor, Nat Flixandchill.”

“I am your anchor, Owen Sdayswewearpink.”

“I am your anchor, Gunter Theinfluence.”
“I am your anchor, Carl Themenshorses.”
“Our top story: Senator Mitch McConnell of Kentucky took part in an unorthodox fundraiser this weekend. The Majority Leader of the Senate was bobbing for orange peels in a barrel of pickle juice when he fell in. Although the senator was drenched, he managed to collect all the peels the barrel. As one eyewitness put it, the Mitch in brine saved rinds.”
For Greatest Hits:
“We’ll be right back with our broadcast of the annual President Reagan impersonation contest, America’s Next Top Ronald, in just a second.”
And more!
An artist in Burlington decided to create a life size replica of Vermont Senator and Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders using hundreds of pieces of bathroom linoleum. After collecting the linoleum into a pile, the artist started snipping into them with a pair of scissors. When asked what she was doing, she simply replied “A Bernie of a thousand tiles begins with a single snip.”

In Madrid today, dozens of people competed in the annual speech contest to win
a priceless Ming Dynasty urn. In the end, the contest organizers gave the prize for a speech given by Baldur Bronstad, a husky Norwegian lumberjack. When asked why his speech won, the organizers simply said, “The burly word gets the urn.”


“Welcome to the 6 o’clock news. I am your anchor, Cam Overhereandgivemesomesuga.

Our top story tonight: Kermit the Frog was spotted downtown at a charity event, decorating a giant float made in his likeness entirely out of small beans. Unfortunately, the charity had brought brown beans, not green, and the famous amphibian was taking time to paint each bean the proper color. When asked for comment, Kermit simply shrugged and said, “It’s not easy greening beans.”

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