Why do I write what I write?
Some of it is to help others. Many people have said that my Facebook statuses have helped them. Gabriela Eva told me that my writings got her through 1L year. My brother, Dale told me that I put into words what many people feel. Jane Cho told me the same thing.
I write to inspire others to write honest and courageous writings. I am inspired by what Michael Ishigaki and John Knox and Yi Ning write. In a website full of carefully crafted selfies and curated experiences, it is refreshing to have writing that is true and grounded and faithful.
But I also write for myself. My natural inclination is to choose what to show others, and so show the strong and competent and interesting parts of myself. But I’m not always strong and competent and interesting. Sometimes I feel weak and stupid and lonely. My natural inclination is to hide those parts away. But as Tim White said to me: deeply charitable love embraces me not in spite of my weakness, but embraces my weakness because it is part of me. A mother looks at her son and does not love her son in spite of his weakness; she embraces him, weakness and all. She helps him realize that what he thought was his weakness is his strength. For weakness is strength misdirected, strength unchanneled, strength frustrated.
I am prone to forget these things. I am prone to linger on my failings, how I feel weak and stupid and lonely. Thank goodness for the grace of God, whose vision of me matters more than my vision of myself. What I am learning is to have that same vision of grace for others, to see them as deeply loved.