Marriage is work

It’s almost summer, which means it’s almost wedding season. I haven’t been invited to any weddings this year, but I remember the weddings from the past few years that I attended (happy anniversary to Vinicius and Christina.)

I was telling a friend who is in his mid 30s that I’m getting to the age when many of my friends are getting married (in the past few weeks, two couples I know got engaged.) He said that he’s getting to the age when several couples are getting divorced. He said “I was a guest at their wedding. I talked to the guy’s uncle. I gave them a blender as wedding present.”

It is a sobering thought; I hope that none of my friends need experience a divorce, but underlying it is an important reality. Marriage is work. Once the wedding is over, once the champagne flutes are packed away, the decorations are taken down, and the music is over, marriage is hard work. It’s easy to look with loving eyes on your partner on the big day in a dashing suit or beautiful dress. It’s a lot harder when both of you are exhausted, you’re stressed over finances or family, and you don’t know how to make this life together. Marriage is messy, divorce is messy, and I have great sympathy for those who go through such hardship.

It will be interesting to see how my perspective on weddings changes once I get married (if I get married). Those who have experienced the joys and scars of married life will likely see weddings from a different light. Some may be cynical, knowing the difficult things ahead. Some may be patronizing, wanting the new couple to avoid the same mistakes. And some may be even more joyful, knowing that the hardships make the beautiful things even sweeter.

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